Grace-Based Discipline Toolbox

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What do you do when your child throws food at the table? My daughter does this all the time and I’m sick of it!

Well, when my children throw food in frustration or play, they are done eating (for the moment). I have a “no throwing food” rule and that’s that. I would remove them from the table and not have them go back until they assure me they are done playing and ready to eat.

Also, teaching them what TO do is always going to end things quicker. “If you are upset you may stomp your foot. You may not throw your food.”

Will she do angry dances? What about a song she can sing or hum when she gets upset? You can do it, too.

Yeah, it’s a typical thing. But it’s definitely not acceptable.

Also, I would think about what exactly is setting her off. Is she trying to have more control than you’re letting her? Is she ready for it? Is she having too much control that she’s not ready for?

I have found, with my children, it’s usually that they are ready to do things I’m not letting them do, or they have a picture in their heads of what things should look like and my reality for them is different. When I think about it (for most things, but not all), their picture is fine, too, and if I just let it happen, things are okay.

For example, was there a reason your daughter couldn’t decide for herself how much cheese to add to her pizza? If she added too much, you could show her how to brush it off. But you let her have control of adding the cheese, and then you limited that control after the fact by removing it yourself. I can understand her frustration – although, yes, her response was immature.

How do I make my daughter stop sticking out her tongue?

If she’s doing this in response to fun/kind/funny things, she really doesn’t mean anything disrespectful by it. Perhaps sticking out her tongue is her way of expressing that she’s feeling joy. Is she otherwise oral? When they are babies, sticking out their tongue is an early sign that they are hungry and want to nurse. Does she suck on things? Chew things? Put things in her mouth? One of my children sticks out his tongue when something is funny and it’s really quite cute. So, my first thought is perhaps you’re making too much of this.

However, I can understand wanting to teach her manners, and if this is something you really feel needs to be changed, then realize you need to approach it like a bad habit. Gentle reminders, offering alternatives (and reminding about them), and focusing on what you want more of, not on what you want less of. Maybe you can work out with her a code word for when you see her tongue that tells her to get it back in her mouth, or you can gently tug on it when it’s out. I might say, “Ah! I certainly hope that’s not a little tongue I see sticking out! ” Relying on humor (especially since she’s doing this in response to fun/funny things) would be my direction.

And, don’t take it personally. It sounds like she doesn’t mean anything unkind or disrespectful by it at all. Even if she did, I would recommend approaching it the same. No need to escalate the situation.