For this reason I want us to grasp the fullness of our role. What we do each day should bless us as well as those around us. I now find fulfillment in completing the tasks of my day. I enjoy blessing my home and my family through cleaning and cooking and caring for everyone. At the same time, I am not a slave. I need to be healthy and have healthy boundaries in order to prevent this. I need to know who I am in the Kingdom so that others can see who I am and treat me with the kindness and respect each human deserves. When I think less of myself I tend to be treated as less. When I think more of myself then I treat others as less. But when I fully understand, in deep humility, where I end and others begin, I treat others with both kindness and firmness and require the same from them.

Please let me also make it clear . . . in all that I’m writing I am assuming that you are not in a home where abuse is occurring-either by or against you. Healthy and Biblical submission does not mean you must be abused in silence. Proper wifely submission does not mean that you will be able to be a wife who will not be deserving of abuse. If you are being told to submit in order to not be hit or yelled at or in any way disrespected and abused, that is not something God is calling you to. The Bible does not tell a man to make his wife submit. The Bible does not give license for abuse. If you are in any way afraid-please get help.

Paul, in 1 Corinthians 7, says a woman should not leave her husband. You’ve probably heard that many times. What you might not realize is that he goes on to say “BUT IF SHE DOES” and gives instructions for the woman who is in a position to have to leave. If you are in an abusive situation you might be sure that God is telling you to stay and is honoring your obedience. There are women whose testimony includes this.

However, if you are not sure that GOD is telling you to stay, please get help! This is especially true if you are a mother, because you are modeling for your children how a woman is to be treated in a marriage. Leaving doesn’t necessarily mean divorce! It means setting a definite boundary and creating a distance over which another person cannot abuse you. It means getting counseling and help and requiring the same from your spouse. It means not going back until that healthy, qualified and reliable counselor says it’s safe to do so. And when and if that point comes then what glory will be given to God for the healing and changes in your spouse, you and your marriage!

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