One woman I know felt neglected by her husband watching tv and spending too much time on the computer, and she was tired of nagging him about this. So she got up one day and made a tv out of a cardboard box-cut out the face plate and wore it on her head as she walked around the house. When her husband asked what that was for she said she figured he was more comfortable connecting to boxes so she was accommodating. He laughed and turned off the tv to spend some time with her.
I was tired of nagging my husband to do things and really wanted to have the chance to be grateful for his help, so I went to him and very sincerely (this really won’t work if you are snide or sound sarcastic) thanked him for doing the last thing I’d asked him to do. He looked at me very confused and said, “But I didn’t do it.” I sweetly answered, “I know. But I’m tired of nagging you and thought you’d appreciate hearing what it could be like if you ‘did’ do the things I’m asking.” Not only did he run in and do it but, he’s been doing stuff I ask ever since-and I get lots of chances to be sincerely thankful. And now all it takes is one over the top thanks for what he hasn’t done to get him back to helping out.
Mostly I’d say that as we treat our husbands like responsible, helpful adults, assigning a positive intent to them, knowing they can slay the dragon in their own way (even when it’s less effective and sometimes takes a little longer) and make ourselves available to them (for sex and help-when-they-ask, and go to them with constructive ideas and solutions instead of always with a problem, and especially avoid the message that they are the problem), we will move towards treating our husbands like kings.