First was that my husband would let me know he was feeling neglected in this area and he knew that meant within the next 3 days I’d make sure we were together intimately.
The second solution (which worked better for us) was to set a “date night” every week. Now, this isn’t a “get away from your kids and go on a date” night like you hear many talk about. This was a guaranteed gonna-get-some for him. And, there were conditions agreed to together. We set the night for the middle of his days off. At the time that was Friday night. He made sure to help extra with the kids on Friday so that I wasn’t overwhelmed at the end of the day. He needed time with his kids because of how much he was gone during the week, and the knowledge of sex later was extra motivating for him. Then, I got to sleep in the next morning. I needed this so that I could stay up the extra time and not have it negatively affect me.
Let’s face it, our bodies are not our own according to Paul. That doesn’t mean that we can’t have boundaries and can’t ever say no-and no one has a right to hold this verse over our heads to demand their way! But we need to take seriously that men have needs and they were given wives to help meet those needs! THAT is part of our ministry to them.
As I learned more about making this a priority regardless of our circumstances, my husband worked even harder to be understanding, if even with these efforts I just couldn’t (when pregnant or when sick or after an especially difficult day, etc). I believe we always need to reevaluate this area of our lives with our husband and see how they’re feeling about it, and what we can do to help improve it.
Men also seem to respond to creativity. They certainly don’t respond to the same old things we’ve been doing to get their attention that haven’t worked so far. It’s a simple rule of logic-if A+B ALWAYS =C then changing either A OR B will have to produce a different outcome. If you don’t like that outcome, keep changing your action or response until you get one you like.